Morbid curiosity of a peculiar concept.

I often question my beliefs, partially because I like to think of myself as a realist.
I'm a Catholic, not heavily devoted, but I do attend church on few occasions. And as much as my grandparents, parents and faith community want me to believe, I do question the existence of a God. Often actually.
I believe that to be a good person, you should already have morals and values instilled within you, it's just being human. I know for me personally, that it has not been my religion which has taught me to respect others, or not kill. It's just the right thing to do, and many people do this.

I also think that religion is outdated. There is way too much beef between other denominations and other religions.
My parents hate this, but I have nothing against Muslims.
Also, i think gay marriage should be legalised, much to my parents dismay.

I think I believe that there might be something out there, beyond the human and natural causes... maybe. I just think life and our very existence is a mystery and religion is an attempt to explain how we came to be. No religion is right or wrong and to some extent we all believe in the same things...

Will my children be Catholic? Yes, most likely because it's what I know. And sure, it's nice to have something to believe in.
I think Karma explains how life works. You do good deeds and the favor is returned and the converse get what they had coming. In the end, everyone gets what they deserve... So i suppose it's fair.

And this concept of life after death? I have no idea! Is there anything? I still maintain the childish perception of heaven as a place up in the sky, amongst the clouds. Looking down on the world, talking with other angels and possessing great power. Obviously this is unlikely, but it's nice to think of death as a beautiful paradise, or maybe an oasis? And re-incarnation? Is that even plausible... who knows? Only the birds and the bees...
Death has been on my mind lately, not suicidal or anything like that, just that a few people I know have family who have just passed. If there is a God, what or who can justify pain and suffering? I just hope they are in a better place now.

I'm scared of death.
Not so much the dying part, it's just what I'm going to miss.
What will happen to my kids? grand kids? brother? sister? cousins? nieces? nephews? my husband? my home?

What will the world be like once i die? That's what I'm most afraid of... what I'm missing out on,

If I can try and believe that there is a better life waiting, maybe this concept won't be so daunting.



Until then, I can only try and believe...

In something.

old love

Secondhand Serenade- Fall for you.

life as a discovered revelation

Today, apart from being a typical Tuesday at school, I made some realisations about myself. Shamefully, some of these I am quite disappointed about, on account of the fact that I did what I hate doing.

I Judged.
On numerous occasions.
Purely based on the opinions of other people.

I heard what people had said about this person, and used those judgments as the basis to form my own perception of her, Who am I to do something like that? I have never spoken to her in my life and I have the hide to attach profanities to her name like i do know her.

I know someone who can attest to my judgments, and to these people I am sorry. I vow never to judge anyone on face value.
Honestly, judging someone is inevitable, especially in today's materialistic society and as much as we try to deny it, we all judge. Sorry if I'm generalising here.
So, in saying this, I will not judge with no grounds for reasoning because sometimes, or all the time, I don't really know what that person is thinking.
So yeah.

Revelation numero 2. I am highly, extremely, undoubtedly and unquestionably UNFIT. Also, I have the meanest appetite known to female and will probably hit my peak of obesity at age 27. So, for as long as it will last, and starting tomorrow, NO CARBS!

Speaking through a three letter acronym

Oh My God. HELLO THERE!

It's purely a question of Justice?

I'm feeling guilty for feeling happy because I know that there are others out there who deserve it more that I do. This is what I've always wanted, but why is it that I feel undeserving?

Like this happiness isn't mine to have.

Because I know that you don't deserve the injustice thrust upon you. My female intuition knows of a gold heart and kind intentions.
I think I know you. I feel like I've known you my whole life.

Quite deserving of happiness, yet completely undeserving of this twist of misfortune.

Above and beyond.

regular

Well, once again I have proven my theories to be quite accurate. Snaps for me...
The "cycle" that I have invened to describe you is nothing short of perfect. You are in the third stage currently.
Next is your "ignoring" stage. Then talkative. And currently, and just taking a wild guess here, your favourite stage- the 'minimal' stage. Including things such as; general chit chat, one word sentences, small talk, silences etc.


This is why I will always see you as a friend.

Don't be afraid to fall,
It's a part of life.

Quirk

After a recent conversation with a friend, upon showing a picture of a skank, made me ponder on what it is that makes a girl so attractive to a guy.

Girls should be original. Not follow others. Be quirky. Be independent and self sufficient. Value their education. Pay attention to the important things in life. Fight for what they are passionate about. Be confident and happy in who they are. Should be fearless, but not afraid to show emotion.

Girls should play soccer, netball, football, barrell jumping, dancing, or whatever makes them happy. They should be hardworkers and appreciate the value of money. They should smile.




I wish I was this girl.

In my dreams

Long before we know ourselves, our paths are already set in stone
Some may never figure out their purpose in life and some will.
There are a lot of us who are caught up in this hell we all live in,
content with being blinded by rules and judgment.
We live in a world where it's more okay to follow then to lead
In this world being a leader is trouble for the system we are all accustom to
Being a leader in this day and age is being a threat
Not many people stood up against the system we all call life
But toward the end of our first ten years into the millennium we heard a voice
A voice who was speaking to us from the underground for some time
A voice who spoke of vulnerabilities and other human emotions and issues never before heard, so vividly and honest
This is the story of a young man who not only believed in himself, but his dreams too.


This is the story of the man on the moon.

pleased to meet'ya

Hello there, remember me?
You only talk to me once in a blue moon.
Usually when it suits you.

But then you disappear, vanish, gone
Don't hear from you.
Don't see you
Are you scared?
Are you shy?
I though I knew you well enough for us to be okay.
Or not?

Hello there
You're talking to me again.
Barely.
One word messages.
Abrupt sentences
Not even sentences
abrupt words, letters
Please sit back while I ask at the questions and do all the talking.

Oh, hello there, you DO remember me!
Can't get a word in.
Are you excited to ralk to me?
"hey ashy"
a nickname?
pet name?
huh?
confused.
Very talkative
out of the ordinary.
Now you have me stunned.
Role reversal.

One
word
at
a
time





I'm incoherent.

I have one request.

Be consistent?

Work choices and hopes

Here's my analogy.
My hopes are like Tony Abbott's proposed abolishment of work choices.
Dead

Buried

Cremated.

I need to get realistic.
And basically,
I'm delusional

fresh laa

I would firstly, but not so formally, like to begin this blog by saying howdy! Holy fuck it has been a while! True story, I almost forgot my password logging in.. eek!
I'm not expecting a response or anything, but how are we all doing? good, good.
My apologies for not blogging... seems i had "prior commitments" (aka: Exams)... Actually, who am I kidding, regardless of exams I would've still blogged, but I was somewhat studying. I think it's safe to blame telstra's pathetic initiative of download limits. It was slow as ever!

Might sound lame of me, but I actually got extremely bored in business studies today and hand-wrote a blog. BUT recently (NOW) decided to not type it out because it's just not the same.... I'll just give a quick re-cap of my prior couple weeks.

Exams- sucked ass.
Finished exams- cheering!
Shopping- Spent 500 bucks (combat boots, 18th dress and lee jeans)
Exam results- no comment.

And, more recently i had an 18th birthday party which was divine! Danced my bum off.

There was a really cute bar tender too! Oh, and guys... when you say "let's get some fresh air"... we know what you mean.


Sunday: Worked, Mum's Zia's 80th birthday... kudos zia, thumbs up for the cannelloni! Went and watched my cousin sing... she won. Got to wear my new jeans and tony bianco's out.
was fab.


I've taken a new likening to Kid Cudi. It's more of a love, really. He is fine!


Yours in search of something,
the inexperienced blogger,
Ash Cudi

x

tongues of insanity

Note to self:


My blog-to-date ratio is way off.
I should really blog more often.


I love highschool.



Life-sucker

y e a h h h

Maths= complete



Business= complete

one of m a n y

HELLO





*sigh*

still

Religion= complete

ticking

English= complete